- Huh? Hmm? Huh? - Hmm?
- [Squeaking] - Hmm?
[Laughs] Hey!
[Giggles]
Ow! Ooh.
Ah.
[Chuckles]
[Electrical Crackling]
- [Popping] - Ow!
Aaah!
Ow! Ooh! Aaah!
## [TV News Theme Music]
[Announcer] Casting for competition.
- Swinging for success. - [Bat Cracks Baseball]
And gloating over victory.
This is the Fables Cable Sports Network.
Hello, and welcome to Fables Cable Sports Network...
covering each and every event that has a winner or a loser.
With me is the very handsome Rex Stork.
- Rex? - Thanks, Bob.
It's a historic day for the millions of crazed fans of long-distance running:
the 15th anniversary of the tortoise's shocking victory over the hare.
Hares are known for two things-
They're the ugly cousin of the adorable bunny rabbit...
and they have blinding speed.
So no one- and I mean no one-
thought Murray Hare would have any trouble...
in his one-on-one duel with his longtime rival, Walter Tortoise.
Murray Hare came out of the blocks and built a big lead over Walter Tortoise.
He was very confident...
at one point even stopping for tea.
But then, disaster.
Excellent choice of word, Bob.
If you look closely at the hare, you'll see he's taking what appears to be a nap, here...
against this log, here.
[Bob] A fatal mistake that he would live to regret.
[Rex] Taking a nap in the middle of a race...
- [Crowd Cheering] - is just an absolute bad strategy...
and this shocking victory changed the sport...
of rodent-versus-reptile cross-country running forever.
Speed is all I know.
Feet! You let me down.
Who could ever forget Walter Tortoise's historic victory speech?
[Reporter] Hey, Tortoise, what brand of shoes do you wear?
- [Reporter #2] How does it feel? - [Reporter #1] Do you have any thoughts?
I dedicate this win to all the hard workers out there-
the underdogs, the modest...
all the decent folks who are tired of the hare's bragging.
Are you long-ears listening?
You may be fast, but I'm slow and steady...
and slow and steady wins the race!
Golly. Has it really been 15 years?
No, silly. We've only been here 25 minutes.
Calm down. Our daughter will be on any second.
- I meant since my race with the hare. - Shh!
[Woman On P.A.] Our next dancer has an interpretive number...
called "World Peace Through Dance."
- Here's Crystal Tortoise. - [Audience Applauds]
## [Disco Pop]
## [Indian Scales]
## [Mid-Eastern Scales]
- ## [Chinese Scales] - ## [Woman Vocalizing]
## [Pop Dance Beat]
[Cheering]
Easy. Easy.
Not so fast, now. Slow and steady wins the dance contest.
- Yeah! Peace through dance. - ## [Ends]
Yea, Crystal! Oh, sweetie.
Oh, that was wonderful.
[Car Horn Blares]
Have I got the perfect car for you.
It's hip, it's cool, and very roomy-
Perfect for the on-the-go mom who lives in a shoe.
I'm not sure that's big enough.
I've got so many children, with a car that small...
I wouldn't know what to do.
I like you, so I'm gonna be honest here.
- You are? - But don't tell the manager.
- Keep this between you and I. - Oh, thanks.
Here's the deal. This car is a top-secret spy car.
Well, it was gonna be, but the cover got blown, and you know the government. They can't-
- [Baby Squalls] - They can't stand to waste money...
so they sent the car to us with orders to get as much money as we can for it.
But here's the catch- We have to sell it today.
I just don't like to rush into important decisions.
You know what they say.
"Slow and steady gets the deal."
Aaah! [Sputtering]
Oh-We'll be here when you're ready.
Take your time.
- No need to rush. - [Baby Laughing]
The safety of the world can wait!
Shoot!
[Feet Screech On Sidewalk]
[Panting]
Hmm. [Scoffs]
[Huffs]
Sorry I'm late, Butch. I tried to get here sooner.
I was swamped at work. Then I got stuck in traffic.
Hmph. But I am dying to hear about your science deal.
- Really? - I'm all ears.
Well, I charted which clouds were associated with which weather patterns.
Everyone knows cumulus clouds because they're big and fluffy.
I think nimbostratus clouds are the most interesting...
because when there's a northeast wind and a drop in barometric pressure-
[Yawns]
Not-Not bored! Just tired. [Laughs] Keep goin'. Keep goin'.
That's okay, Dad. You don't have to pretend you like science fairs.
Aw, thanks, son. You're the best.
Did you win some kind of science prize?
Sort of. They gave me this.
A certificate of participation.
Well, hey, that's... pretty good.
Yeah. Now if anyone claims I didn't participate at the science fair...
I can certify that I did.
That's the spirit. [Groans]
Come on. Let's blow this dork fest.
You know, the problem with science fairs is that they're not real fairs.
I mean, you hear the word "fair," and you're thinkin', "Hey, roller coaster. Dunk tank."
Then it's all nerds with rickety homemade gadgets.
Would it kill 'em to at least have a cotton candy stand?
- Maybe next year. - Mention it at the next nerd club meeting.
- [Brakes Squealing, Horn Honking] - Learn how to drive, slowpoke!
- [Static] - [Man] At Tortoise Financial...
we know slow and steady makes the money.
Aaah! [Sputtering]
- [Sputtering Continues] - ## [Techno On Radio]
Hey, I talked to the track coach, Flash O'Hare...
and he was practically begging me to get you to join the team. Aaah!
- [Brakes Squealing] - [Horn Honking]
- [Growling] - Dad, I don't wanna be a runner.
[Brakes Squealing]
[Murray] You can't just do science all the time.
We're hares. We need to be outside running...
feeling the wind blow through our ears.
I like to be outside.
I like exploring nature, studying rocks and minerals, astronomy.
- [Bell Dings] - [Brakes Squeal]
But, Butch, everybody knows you're the fastest kid in school.
- No, they don't. - That's why you have to show them.
[Yells, Growls]
[Man On Radio] Are you ready to face the ultimate challenge?
Are you fearless to the point of being a danger to yourself and others?
Then don't miss the Mt. Impossible Nature Adventure Race.
Teams are forming now for the adventure race of adventure races.
Impossible? We don't even know the meaning of the word impossible.
Actual racers should know the meaning of the word impossible.
A nature adventure race. You said you like nature.
And everybody loves adventures and racing.
This sounds perfect for you. You wanna do it?
Or we could go on a hike.
You're darn right you wanna do it! And you're gonna win it too!
- [Bell Dings] - [Tires Squealing]
- [Growls] - [Tires Squealing]
- [Honks Horn] - That driving was neither slow nor steady.
## [Crystal Scatting]
- Please don't kick the back of my seat, Crystal. - Sorry.
[Rapping] # I said once, I said twice #
Crystal!
And third place goes to- ## [Hums Fanfare]
- Crystal Tortoise. - Yea! Whoo!
- All right. - Don't feel bad.
We'll look at the tape, analyze your mistakes...
and be ready to take first place next year.
- I thought I did pretty good. - Oh, you did.
You just didn't do good enough to win.
- That's all. - I guess so.
Chin up, girl. Dance is just a hobby.
[Chuckles] You're going to make a great lawyer someday.
That's where your future is.
"Crystal J. Tortoise, Esquire."
- What's an esquire? - Being a lawyer sounds... awesome, Dad.
Maybe... that could be my hobby while I work as a dancer.
Excuse me, young lady. Are you defying me?
- Maybe you could be a dancing lawyer. - There's no such thing as a dancing lawyer.
- Is there a law against a dancing lawyer? - No, but-
See? A compromise.
Now everyone's happy.
"Dancing esquire."
[Tires Screeching]
Hey, neighbors. Looks like we beat ya home. [Laughs]
Good thing it wasn't a real race...
or you might have taken a little nap at the wheel.
Well, we gotta go. Butch just won a big prize at the science fair.
We're gonna go put it on our wall o' fame.
- Dad, it's just a- - Wall o' fame.
What was the project? The effects of naps on the outcome of a race?
[Laughs] Funny you should mention race.
Butch is gonna be a big track star soon.
- The coach is beggin' him to come out for- - Dad, I'm not-
Crystal doesn't have time for any more activities.
She's already president of the Debate Club...
goalie for the soccer team, editor of the school paper...
and number one on the rowing team.
- Dad, we don't even have rowing- - She's hall monitor commander.
Uh, she even ran a fund-raiser...
- to get the wolf kids their own bus. - What?
It's too bad she's so "busy," 'cause I think it would be really fun...
to see how she'd do against Butch in a race.
Probably about the same as I did... 15 years ago.
That's all in the past. I'm thinking about the future-
The Mt. Impossible Nature Adventure Race.
- See, Butch here is a rugged outdoorsman- - Dad-
A survivalist. That race will be no place for a dancing tortoise...
so I understand if you wanna chicken out.
Crystal doesn't like being called a chicken, Hare.
- [Crystal] Dad. - Butch doesn't like Crystal thinkin'...
- she's better than him, Tortoise. - Dad.
Is Butch challenging Crystal?
Only if Crystal is up to the challenge.
Dad, that won't work. The race requires a team.
Perfect. Team Hare- us-
challenge Team Tortoise-you- to the Nature Adventure race.
- Agreed? - Agreed.
Think about the offer, and we'll talk...
after I spend some quality time with my family.
Let's say... 15 minutes?
Hi, Annette. That's a lovely sport coat.
No, it isn't, Dotty. I have to wear it for work.
[Gasps] I am so sorry you have to work, Annette.
I'm going inside now.
Stay-at-home moms make me uncomfortable.
[Chewing]
- You're not eating. - Yeah. Eat!
I can't believe you think I'm gonna do the Mt. Impossible Adventure Race with you.
What? You begged me to do that race.
No, Dad. You wanna do the race to get back at Mr. Tortoise.
That's crazy. But let's assume for a second what you're saying is true.
Do you know what a beautiful world this will be once we defeat the Tortoises?
- No. - It'll be like the fall of an evil tyrant.
All the statues of the tortoise will be pulled down.
Angry mobs, tired of his giant house blocking the sun...
will burn it to the ground.
Okay, let's outline our plan of attack.
We want to ensure our strategy is sound, wise...
and would lead to yet another Tortoise victory over Team Hare.
Dad, I'm not racing.
Whoa! Slow down there, missy.
I'd like to hear your reasons why not.
Well-
I hate dirt, and I heard from a friend who went camping...
that mountains are very dirty.
I heard that too. You're not able to vacuum up there.
And if you could, under the dirt there'd just be more dirt.
Crystal, you need to be a little more logical.
Okay. I have hay fever.
Butch is much faster than I am. I have a lot of homework.
I'm afraid of Sasquatch, and my room is a total mess.
And you don't wanna do this for me.
Son, hares are known for two things-
We're the handsome cousins of the feeble bunny rabbit...
and we have blinding speed.
After I lost that race to the tortoise, I felt like a loser.
But you know what finally got me over the loss?
You being born. My son.
For the first time since that race, l- I felt like a winner again.
I-I'd done something special.
And his name is Butch Hare.
Crystal, I'm sure all your reasons make sense to you...
but can I make one final argument for doing the race?
- What? - I can't imagine anything more fun...
than me and you, father and daughter, working side-by-side as a team.
Okay, Dad. I guess I'll do it.
Okay, Dad. I'll do it.
Yes! Let's defeat those hasty hotfoots.
Yeah! Let's destroy those green losers.
I mean, uh, I love you, son.
I love you, Crystal.
[Annette] Have you gone nuts?
Don't you understand the meaning of the word relationship? Of family?
We'll be fine. I know what I'm doin'.
My client is your cousin, You can't charge closing costs.
- [Squeaky Voice On Earpiece] - What?
## [FCSN Theme Playing]
[Rex] Hi, everybody, and welcome to FCSN's live coverage...
of the Mt. Impossible Nature Adventure Race.
And we could not have asked for better conditions.
Bob, with weather this beautiful, it's kind of like Mother Nature is saying...
"You kids are getting on my nerves.
Go outside and have an adventure race while I watch Oprah. "
And we'll be covering every stage of the race live on the Internet...
which is free... if your neighbor doesn't know how to set up the wireless security.
The race covers the most rugged terrain anywhere...
and will test the racers' skills on mountain trails, cliffs and streams.
[Rex] Is this race dangerous? You better believe it is.
More than half the competitors will drop out because of fatigue...
or serious injury.
That's right, but let's hope there's not too much of that today.
Yeah. Let's hope.
But if there is, you can bet our cameras will be there so you don't miss it.
## [Hip-hop Beat]
## [Continues]
You sure I can't help you with anything?
If everything is going to fit in our sacks...
I have to arrange them just so.
[Grunts]
You know, we're not searching for a shortcut to India.
[Chuckles] What is this for?
- In case we have to fight a bear? - [Groans]
Please put that back where you found it.
[Grunts]
Green Dancer to Slow Man. Come in, Slow Man.
- [Murray] Those are not toys. - Yeah, they are.
- No, they're not. - Then why did you give 'em to me for my birthday?
To teach you responsibility.
That's very expensive equipment.
[Snorting]
I got us a map of the course.
I got everything we need... right here.
A card that says "no naps"?
No naps. We'll be fine as long as you understand this one simple rule.
Everyone loves naps, but there's a time and a place for naps.
So no matter how far ahead you may be...
no matter how much you think you've got the race locked up...
do not take a nap.
That and a Choco Candy Bar, and we're all set.
Okay, but, I mean, you packed other stuff, right?
Like rope, water, warm clothes?
Oh, I got clothes. Cool clothes.
Take a look.
We'll wear them when we're the first team crossing the finish line.
What do you think? I made it myself.
You have nothing to worry about.
- I'm here for you 24-7. - Oh, thanks, Mom.
The race is about to start, and we need food and camping gear and-
If you're not happy, I'm not happy.
- [Squeaky Voice On Earpiece] - [Rex] The race is about to begin.
- All teams to the starting line. - [Crystal] Bye, Mom.
[Dotty] Good luck!
[Bob] With the last-minute addition of Team Tortoise and Team Hare...
this race has turned into what our cue card writer is calling the Sequel of the Century.
[Rex] You know, Bob, it's commonly believed that hares are rodents...
but, in fact, they're lagomorphs.
- I don't know what that means. - Neither do I.
Son, let's get psyched. It's go time.
- This means a lot for us. - [Belches]
It means a lot to you.
What if I told you that if we win, I will buy you a new car when you're 16.
- Would that get you more motivated? - You can't bribe me with a new car.
Aw, you got me over a barrel. Tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'll throw in floor mats and a roof rack.
- A roof rack? - I know. I must be crazy.
Look, please don't tell anyone I'm giving you this deal. I could lose my job.
Listen to me, Crystal, and listen to me good. [Clears Throat]
This is a race, and we're in it... to win it.
- "In it to win it." That rhymes! - Crystal, focus.
Hocus-pocus rhymes with focus.
- Sweetie pie- - Sorry.
[Rex] Racers, take your marks.
[Crowd Cheering]
- Get set- - ## [Trumpet: "Call To The Post"]
[Starting Gun Fires]
It's move time. Go! Go!
Go!
[Grunting]
[Grunts]
Hey!
- [Sniffing] - Ow!
[Together] Aaah!
[Squeals]
- [Squawks] - [Crash]
[Snorting]
- [Giggling] - Ow!
- Dad, it's a long race. - So?
So we might want to slow the pace so we have energy for later.
Think about it, son. The faster we go, the sooner we finish.
It's simple! Aaah!
Oh, come on.
Dad, can't we pick up the pace a little?
Crystal, do I need to remind you of the family motto?
Slow and steady wins the race.
That doesn't apply to every situation.
- Yes, it does. - What about-
- Yes. - You didn't let me finish. I was just-
Yes.
[Brakes Squeaking]
- Yeah! - Yeah, all right! We did it.
As everyone expected, Team Hare easily wins the first stage.
While they make the transition to the canoe challenge...
let's take a look at the progress of Team Tortoise.
And, folks, what you're seeing is not slow motion.
That's the actual Team Tortoise pace.
[Croaking]
Congratulations. Team Hare won the first stage of the race.
- Great! - Yeah. [Laughs]
Your guys haven't even had their predictable collapse yet.
[Bird Screeches]
[Murray Grunting]
Dad, slow down.
Never tell a hare to slow down.
Hey, Murray. Look down at the water.
You know who's looking back at you?
The loser of stage two.
- [Laughs] - [Groans]
- [Grunting] - Dad, this isn't getting us anywhere.
How do you steer this stupid thing?
- Whoa! Whoa! - Whoa!
[Murray Screams]
A nasty spill for Team Hare.
- And Team Tortoise takes the lead. - They sure do, Bob.
But let's see how they handle that big waterfall.
- [Crystal Grunts] - Slow and steady, Crystal.
Not a problem right now, Dad.
Uh, Dad?
Maybe we should save some of that so it lasts the whole race.
Nonsense! I just need a burst of energy, and we'll fly to the finish.
Let's go!
[Butch Yelling]
[Panting] Okay. [Mutters]
Wish I had another candy bar.
[Both Yelling]
[Soundman Giggling]
- [Groans] - [Bell Dings]
The key to rappelling is precise footing.
See ya at the bottom.
Dad, what are you waiting for?
Slow and steady doesn't mean, "Stop and let the other team catch up."
- [Walter] They're not winning that easily. - Finally! Let's go.
[Huffs] Just as soon as I get my footing here.
- Oh. I think there's a bug in that one. - [Whimpers]
[Panting] Good work, Dad.
We're back in the lead.
Good! So there's time for just a little nap.
[Yawns] Just five minutes.
- Dad, no naps. - Right, son!
I was just kiddin'. Nap? [Yawns]
They're so stupid. Who needs 'em? [Yawns]
[Sharp Buzzing]
- [Both Sniffing] - ## [Mariachi]
[Walter] Maybe this one will work.
No. Maybe I should climb back up and rethink this.
[Sharp Buzzing]
Olé!
[Bell Dings]
Well, Rex, I've seen a lot of racing in my day...
but the next few events have got to be my favorite.
Yes, it's the beloved Ridiculous Part of the Course...
which is best enjoyed as a montage.
[Grunting]
- Aaah! Aaah! - [Woman] # It's moving around and around #
# And it's almost over#
# How could it just have started #
# Soon be over#
# There is music and there is dance #
- # Come on, baby, let's take a chance # - [Yelling]
- # There is something in the air# - [Screaming]
- # It's hot in here but it's cold out there # - [Bell Dings]
- # We feel it now, we really feel it now # - [Snorting]
# Let me try to show you how #
# Get a little closer now #
# It's moving around and around #
# And it's almost over#
- # How could it have just now started # - [Bell Dings]
# It'll soon be over#
[Murray Yelling]
- # There's something about this sound # - [Groans]
- # And it makes me crazy # - [Bell Dings]
# He's spinning me round and round #
# And now I'm just crazy #
- [Bell Dings] - # It's going around and around #
- # And it's almost over# - [Chuckles]
- # How could it have just now started # - [Groans]
- [Screaming] - [Bell Dings]
- # Give a little, get a lot # - [Bell Dings]
- ## [Indistinct] - [Crowd Cheering]
- [Bell Dings] - # Come and take me round and round ##
It's a tight race, but Team Hare is leading as they approach...
the most dangerous part of the course-
Uncrossable Gorge, which is spanned by Rickety Bridge.
[Rex] Here's a fun fact, Bob.
If you fell down the gorge, you'd have time to bake a cake...
before splattering on the jagged rocks at the bottom.
[Bob] Actually, I wouldn't fall at all.
- I have wings, and I can fly. - That, too, is a fun fact.
Uh, Dad, maybe we should find another way across.
Nonsense! This bridge is perfectly stable.
Help!
[Yawning] Plus, we get a big lead here...
there's no reason we can't sneak a quick nap in, you know what I'm saying?
What? No naps.
That's what I'm saying. [Yawns]
No naps! You know, unless we have a giant, insurmountable lead.
[Chirping]
## [Scatting]
Huh? [Screaming]
Help me!
Well, you weigh less than me. You should probably go first.
We don't have to cross here. Okay?
We can go down this trail, cross Lake Infinity here...
and then the trails connect again at Finger Rock, here.
Lake Infinity? Okay.
How much time does it take to cross Infinity?
[Chuckling] How much time does it take to cross infinity?
I guess it depends on the gravity of the situation.
[Laughing] That's a quantum mechanics joke.
Right. So how long?
You see, honey, we've gone slow and steady...
and we've already caught those floppy-eared rush maniacs.
I credit our strategy of slow and steady progress.
Now we just have to keep our heads down and not let anything distract us.
[Crystal] Whoa.
[Whimpers] Dad! Wait!
[Groans]
In a fearless move, Team Tortoise...
takes the lead on the bridge.
[Panting]
Whoa! You are not getting ahead of me.
[All Groan]
Uh-oh. Better kick in the afterburners.
[Groans]
[Gasps]
- Oh! - Out of the way!
- Not a chance. - At least hurry up.
- This thing is gonna go at any second. - [Loud Snap]
[Both] Aaah!
[Grunts]
- [Groans] - [Together] Dad, look out!
Aaah!
[Murray Screaming]
- Dad! - [Yelling]
- Whoo! - [Crystal] Dad!
- Are you all right? - I'm fine, honey.
But I'm afraid that sprint gave me a nasty wind burn.
Hey. Just so you know...
you owe me a map.
- Oh, I hope they're okay. - Oh, quit worrying.
The place is perfectly safe. I just had the inspector up there.
A mountain inspector?
- Are you talking on your phone? - Hang on a second.
- Okay. - No, I'm talking to you, Dotty.
Let me call you back.
This race is getting too dangerous.
Well, everyone seems to be having fun, and that's what's important, right?
This separation is a setback for Teams Tortoise and Hare.
Both members of a team have to cross the finish line to win.
They sure do. With them split up, this could be a chance for Teams Pig and Mole to catch up.
Bob, let's check in on 'em.
[Belches]
## [Mariachi]
[Murray] Butch! Keep moving.
I'll meet you on the other side.
I don't know where to go. You dropped the map down into the gorge.
That was his fault. But let's not waste time throwing around blame.
Cross that lake you were talkin' about.
We'll meet where the trail comes together at Finger Rock.
[Groans] Hurry up, Butch.
Don't give that tortoise girl a head start.
Daddy, what should I do?
Follow him to Finger Rock as fast as you can.
- Really? - Within the obvious slow and steady parameters.
[Panting]
[Groaning]
- [Crystal] Look out! - [Butch Screams]
- [Butch Groans] - Sorry. You okay?
No. Y-Yeah. Fine.
My dad says I'm not supposed to talk to you.
My dad says that too.
I guess my dad says a lot of things.
You didn't really escape from jail, did you?
[Chuckling] Your dad said that?
You're not really a cannibal, are you?
[Laughs] We're vegetarians.
Well, it's big, but still smaller than infinity.
- There's no way to cross. - Can we just swim it?
[Chuckles] You can go first.
- [Creature Splashes] - We'll have to find another way.
[Static On Walkie-talkie]
Come in, Dad. Are you there? Over.
[Walter] I'm here. Over.
Dad, we're stuck. We can't cross the lake.
Slow and steady, Crystal.
Just keep going slow and steady.
- Hey! Give that back! - [Static]
[Murray] Crystal. Crystal, I know I don't sound like your dad, but I am.
- Let me talk to Butch. - [Groans]
- [Clicks] - Thanks.
[Grunts]
- [Wind Whistling] - [Both Groaning]
Oh, I wish my dad had packed a little more than just this.
- [Wind Gusts] - [Crystal Groans]
- Hey! Do you have a tent? - [Gasps]
- What are you doing? - Can you use this thing?
- I guess so. - [Flare Gun Fires]
- [Groans] - Perfect.
[Flare Whistles, Explodes]
Hold onto this.
Now run forward.
- Now fire at the ground. - How come?
If we can't go across, and we can't get around...
we'll have to go above.
[Crystal] Wow!
How do you know how to do this?
Lakes usually are the meeting place for high and low pressure systems...
so it was just a question of getting caught in an updraft-
Look! That cloud looks like a ballerina.
[Butch] That's a cumulus cloud. Everyone's favorite.
Oh! And that one looks like a unicorn winning a gold medal.
Uh, okay.
Well, that one looks like a...
cotton ball.
[Laughs] That one looks like two leprechauns dancing.
Okay. That one looks like, uh-
Uh-oh. Nimbostratus.
Did you say limbo contest?
No. Those clouds are nimbostratus...
and with this northeast wind blowing, and the drop in barometric pressure...
we're in for a big storm.
- How can you tell? - My ears just popped.
These babies aren't just to keep my super-cool glasses from falling off.
[Crystal] That was so fun! Let's do it again.
We've gotta find our dads before the storm hits.
Well, come on. They said they'd meet us at Finger Rock.
Right. Let's get going. Oh, now, which way is the trail?
[Wind Blowing]
[Rattling]
[Sighs] Ahh.
[Groans] My legs.
I'm built for frolicking in the meadows, not climbing mountains!
Yeah? Let me tell you. Nothing works right when you hit the big 1-4-0.
Oh! Cry me a river! My knee's got more fluid than a milk processing plant.
I don't know which is worse, your complaining or my achin' feet.
Hey, you wanna compare feet? Check out these bunions.
They're the size of cantaloupes.
- [Rumbling] - Hmm. I don't like the look of those clouds.
[Tortoise] Don't worry. It'll blow right past us.
There aren't any storms this time of year.
Just to be safe, uh, we better see where the kids are.
Okay, but promise me you won't forget to show me your hideously disfigured feet.
I'm really lookin' forward to that.
[Feedback] Crystal? Crystal, are you there?
[Static] Crystal. Come in, Crystal!
- ¡Hola! It's Daddy. - Dad, you're breaking up.
- Where are you? - [Static]
- Dad. - [Static]
Dad, come in! Dad!
What happened? Are they okay?
It must be the storm blocking the signal.
We won't be able to get in touch with them until the weather gets better.
Lemme see that! You're doin' it all wrong.
I know how to use it, Murray.
Well, come on! I told Butch to meet me where the trail comes together at Finger Rock.
I think that's just a little bit, uh, uh, that way!
Oh, you think. Good enough for me.
Lead the way, sire.
[Groans] We better stop.
[Grunts] Look! There's a cave!
[Groaning]
[Shivering]
[Groaning]
[Yawns] Hmm?
[Panting]
- [Yawns] - Hey, freeloader! Get off!
- Get off! - [Yawns]
I can't go on!
[Yawns] I'm just gonna rest here.
[Yawns] Till I get my strength back.
What are you doing?
Salesman of the month, again? [Chuckles]
- Give it to someone- Oh! - This is no time to take a nap.
We've got to keep moving, moving steadily!
I'm not leaving Crystal out there alone!
She's with Butch. He knows what he's doin'.
He's into nature and trees and all that stuff! Look. We're better off just waitin'.
[Screams]
- Well, that's not a good sign, is it? - Gee.
You think it's not a good sign that a one-ton killing machine...
built for freezing temperatures couldn't survive out here?
- [Teeth Chattering] - I'm going to find Crystal.
Follow me, or don't.
Frankly, I don't care.
Well, I don't care either. [Grunts]
Okay, I care! I care!
[Murray] Hey, hey, hey! [Screams]
[Screams]
[Screams Continue]
- Whoa! - Aah! Aah! Aah!
Hey! This is almost fun!
[Screams]
- Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. - Hey, slow it down, man.
[Murray Screaming]
Oh, look. It's your friend.
See? We should just stay here and wait for the kids.
Okay, fine. We'll look for the kids in the morning.
Hey, maybe we could spend the night up there.
If we can climb up to that overhang, we'll at least be out of the snow.
[Walter] Hmm. Maybe we can screw our hammocks and tents into the cliff.
Right, our hammocks and tents and other appropriate camping equipment.
[Grunts]
[Honks]
- You brought a bagpipe? - It relaxes me.
Once I'm inside this thing, I'll play myself to sleep.
You didn't bring a tent, did you?
Well, I wasn't planning on spending the night here!
I figured it wouldn't take more than one day to kick your butt.
Nature race in the wilderness?
How could you possibly guess you might need supplies or equipment?
Just hand me a mallet. I guess some people never learn...
no matter how many times you beat them.
You didn't really beat me fair and square. You were so easy to beat, I fell asleep.
Right. And then I beat you because I'm slow and steady.
Aah! [Groans]
- [Screams] - Uh-oh.
This doesn't look good.
Hey!
[Screams]
[Both Grunt]
- Oh, it doesn't get any better than this. - [Wildcat Roars]
- [Grunts] - [Gasps]
[Growls]
- [Screams] - Hey, what are you doing?
[Murray] It's every man for himself!
- [Growls] - Aah!
[Whimpering]
[Grunting]
This... is a good example of the importance of being quick.
Whatever.
Now can we slowly and steadily climb back up?
- [Wind Blowing] - Huh? Hey! Hey!
[Bagpipes Honk]
- [Sighs] - Good job anchoring the tent.
Thanks.
[Fire Crackling]
[Static]
- Is it working yet? - No.
I can't seem to get a signal.
[Feedback]
[Man] Rivers? He couldn't coach his way out of a paper bag.
[Man #2] I'll tell you what we should do with that country. Bomb 'em!
[Man #3] We're tracking severe storms over the northwest-
[Man #4] Nature adventure racers feared lost in the rocky crag.
- ## [Pop] - All right! I love this song!
# Hey, mister, break it down #
# And you're a B-boy the way you hit the ground #
# Play it real cool That be old school #
# Jump around until you have to feel cool #
# Shake your body Everybody #
# Get naughty Join the party ##
You're really smart, aren't you?
Oh, I like science. I especially like meteorology and astronomy.
- Wow! I've always loved astronomy. - Really?
- ## [Continues, Indistinct] - Yeah.
I'm a Leo, and my dad is a total Gemini...
which I think it part of the problem between us, you know?
I think you're talking about astrology.
See, astronomy is about studying the stars...
or as my dad says, wasting my time with my head in the clouds.
Yeah, it's not so fun having Walter G. Tortoise as your dad either.
- [Static] - Unless you want to be a lawyer.
- ## [Rock] - Do you?
The only thing I know about being a lawyer is that I don't want to do it.
What do you want to do?
I want to travel all over...
and make everyone understand that most of the world's problems
- Really? - Yeah, it's so obvious! I mean, think about it.
It's impossible to be mad at someone if they dance with you.
- ## [Continues] - That's an interesting theory.
I wonder if it could bring peace to the Tortoise and Hare feud.
Let's find out! Just follow my lead.
# You got, you got, you got You got me right in your hands #
# All right # ## [Indistinct]
## [Continues]
Relax. If you're tense when you're dancing, that's not really dancing.
It's just moving while music happens to be playing.
# I almost wanna tell my mama all my bittersweet drama #
# But I might hurt her terribly #
# Señoritas at the fair with flowers in their hair#
# Don't compare to how fine you are #
- [Chuckles] - I'm terrible, aren't I?
If you're having fun, there's no such thing as terrible.
Fortunately for you.
- [Laughs] - Whoa!
## [Continues]
You know what? This race is stupid.
l-It doesn't have anything to do with us.
- [Chuckles] - It's all between our fathers.
Exactly. In the morning, let's quit and head down the mountain.
If our dads want to race, let them finish it by themselves.
- Yeah. - Yeah!
# Hypnotizing my soul #
# As a ball, when I fall I get right up and roll ##
[Yawns] I can't believe you didn't pack a sleeping bag.
That's my dad. He didn't think we needed 'em.
I can't believe you have an extra sleeping bag.
That's my dad.
You know, this race wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.
Really?
Maybe because my whole life feels like a race to climb up a mountain.
I know what you mean.
Well, we're approaching day two of the Mt. Impossible Nature Adventure Race.
Rex, I have to say, I was not expecting this to take two days.
It's fine with me, Bob. We get paid overtime!
[Teeth Chattering]
What is that? What's that noise?
[Shivering, Teeth Chattering, Groaning]
You're freezin' over there.
- Just go to sleep. I'm fine. - No, you are not fine!
You're losing body heat.
Stupid reptiles.
Get off me now!
Do you really think I'm enjoying this?
There's a very good chance I'm gonna throw up.
But we both know if I don't do this, you'll freeze.
Well, don't get too comfortable.
Oh, man. There must be some evolutionary link between cold blood and ungratefulness.
Shut up! Hold me closer.
[Snickering]
[Shouts]
[People Chattering]
- Look at them. - This is the part that breaks my heart.
Hey, hand me those marshmallows for my cocoa.
Ooh! They got the tiny ones.
[Birds Tweeting]
Please! Get off me!
[Grunting]
I can't! I think- I think we're frozen stuck.
Oh, this is just a carnival of delights.
I got an idea.
- This never happened. - I've already blocked it out.
Good. Let's go meet the kids.
- I'm right behind you! Oh. - [Grunts]
[Yawns]
Last night, I dreamed that dance also fixes crooked teeth.
Even I think that I'm weird sometimes.
Butch?
It's payback time?
For what? What is this?
He was just setting me up! [Gasps]
He's trying to win the race! We'll see who gets paid back!
Do you see anything?
- Got 'em! Wait. Where's Butch? - What do you mean, "Where's Butch?"
I mean I see Crystal, but I don't see Butch!
That's it! Go, Crystal! We're winning!
We've got it in the bag!
All right, Crystal. It's payback time.
Since you shared your food with me last night, it's only fair that I make breakfast.
I hope you like organic food.
[Gasps] Oh, Dad was right.
Never trust a tortoise!
[Grunting]
There's my boy!
Wow! Look at him go!
[Grunting]
- Go, Crystal! - Go, Butch! Go!
[Bob] This race is coming right down to the wire.
As they work their way to the top of Mt. Impossible...
Butch Hare seems to be saying...
"Move over, slow and steady. Raw speed is gonna win this race!"
"Speed wins the race." Not much of a moral, Rex.
No it isn't, Bob, but sometimes that's the way the world works.
- [Snickering] - [Panting]
Hey. Missed you at breakfast this morning.
- [Crystal] Nice try. - [Cackling]
I taught you to salsa, and you tricked me!
Well, what was all that you said last night...
about this race being your dad's problem and-and being your own person?
That's before you pulled a dirty trick to win.
- What? - I saw your little note about payback time.
- But- - [Groans]
[Crying] I thought we were friends.
I was getting breakfast to pay you back for the nice dinner you served last night.
When I came back, you were halfway up the mountain.
Butch, saying "payback time" usually means you're angry.
Trust me. I'm really good at getting even.
I didn't mean it that way.
If we were on the computer, I would've put a smiley face at the end.
[Grunts] It's so hard to communicate without emoticons!
Give me those. [Grunts]
- Uh-oh. - What the-
- Uh-oh. Did you hear that? - Yeah.
- What was that? - It sounded like ice cracking.
You mean like an-
[Together] Avalanche!
[Crystal Screams]
There's no question. That is definitely an avalanche.
And it's taking young Tortoise and Hare along for the ride of their lives.
[Rex] Most likely, the final ride of their lives, Bob!
[Bob] Their near-certain death is especially tragic because they were both so close to winning.
Oh, n-
Oh, that was so sweet of you.
- Crystal! - Butch!
- Hey, wait! - I'm comin'!
- Why are you stopping? - [Whimpers]
- Waah! - [Both Scream]
- [Knocking] - [Pops]
Aah! Crystal!
[Coughs] Right here, Dad.
- You okay? - I think so.
- [Scratching] - [Gasps]
- An air pocket! - Butch!
Hi.
- [Pops] - [Screams]
[Groans]
I'm fine, and thanks for asking!
Hey, who wants to get rescued? I know I do.
[Screams]
Let's take some time and think about this.
Which way is the top?
We want to make sure we dig in the right direction.
We can't all be right. Maybe we should vote on it.
[Snorts, Spits]
Gross!
Son, just because we're trapped in a giant snowball...
doesn't mean we should abandon basic decorum.
I was using gravity to determine which way is up.
He wasn't just hocking a loogie willy-nilly. He was doin' a science deal.
My kid's a genius!
Hmm, so up is...
that way?
Uh-oh.
[Grunts]
It does not look good survival-wise for teams Tortoise and Hare.
You know it, Bob. That snowball seems to be saying...
"I'm keeping these competitors in here until late spring!"
I wouldn't be surprised if their next stage of this race...
involves scaling the pearly gates of heaven.
They've got about five minutes before they run out of air.
We've added an oxygen countdown clock so you viewers can enjoy the suspense.
[Rex] Say, here's a fun fact.
If that snowball were part of a snowman, it would be over 38 feet tall!
[Bob] That would be an awfully big snowman, Rex.
[Rex] Yes, it would, Bob. [Chuckles]
It's gettin' stuffy in here. What if we don't make it?
Help! Somebody help me!
[Eagle Cries]
Dad, no one can hear you.
Snow has really good sound-insulating properties.
Ah, it's so cozy all of a sudden. It's- It's so warm.
Butch, what's going on?
Judging from the size of this air pocket...
I'd say we have about four minutes and 38 seconds before we run out of oxygen.
[Chuckles] Is my son smart or what?
This is a really bad time for boasting, Murray.
We have to dig our way out of here.
Besides, Crystal knew that too. Didn't you?
- Sure thing, Dad. - You're darn right you did!
We can't afford to use energy competing over whose kid is more amazing.
Lucky for them, eh, son?
- Right, Dad. - Because they wouldn't win that compet-
- Okay, Dad. - Because we'd win.
And we'll probably beat them out of this snowball too.
- That's enough! - What?
That attitude is the reason we're stuck in here, and we're not leaving until you stop.
Until I stop what?
Until you stop using me to show him how great you are!
- Is that what you think I'm doing? - Isn't that why we're here?
Isn't that the whole reason we're doing this race?
- No! - Then why are we doing it, Dad?
Good point, Butch. Way to stick it to the old man.
Now let's get out of here, so you can really give him a piece of your mind.
Hi, sweetie.
Please, enjoy this touching video tribute...
to the fallen heroes of the Mt. Impossible Nature Adventure Race.
## [Taps]
[Both Gasp]
I'm sorry. I guess I love you so much...
I just want to make sure you avoid the mistakes that I made.
But if you love us, why would you try to make us into something we're not?
Is that what it seems like?
That I only love you if you're a success?
Well, there does seem to be a pretty big difference...
between what I am and what you want me to be.
Crystal, I love you no matter what.
Well, it's not how you act. Everything's always a contest with you.
It's always about winning.
I'm so sorry. I guess I didn't realize what I was doing.
I'm sorry too, for all the things that, uh, he was sayin'.
Hey, can we, uh, maybe get outta here?
- Not until you shake hands. - No, hug.
Yeah, hug.
Uh- [Sighs]
[Timer Beeping, Buzzes]
Well, that looks like that's it, Bob.
- But, it was a good race while it lasted. - [Crackling]
Wait a minute. I think we're gettin' some movement here.
Yes! [Laughs]
Incredible! With time running out on the clock...
both Team Tortoise and Team Hare emerge from their icy tomb!
[Both Gasp]
- [Butch] Yea! - [Crystal] Wow!
I've never been so happy to see the sky!
- At last! Everything is- - [Rumbling]
Huh?
[Gasping]
- What was that? - [Screaming]
- [Groans] - [Chuckles]
- Uh, the snowball is slipping. - Run!
Come on, guys!
Hurry, Dad!
I'm goin' as fast as I can!
[Groans]
- [Screams] - Dad!
- Hurry, Dad! - [Groans]
- Crystal! - Butch! Wait!
Butch!
Whoa!
[Grunts]
Come on! Come on! Almost there!
We're gonna make it!
[Screams]
Come on! Come on!
[Grunts] Gimme your hand!
[Crumbling, Thudding]
[Wind Whistles]
[Panting]
Is everybody okay?
Can you pull us up?
[Grunting]
I don't think so!
Come on, Dad. You've always been a winner to me, Dad.
- I have? - Yeah.
[Wind Whistles]
[Grunts]
[Groans]
[Crystal, Butch Scream]
[Whimpers]
[Cracking]
[Whimpering]
[Whimpering, Sobbing]
Slow and steady, Murray. Slow and steady.
Come on! [Grunts]
[Cheering]
- [Groans] - [Whimpers]
[Whimpering]
Oh, Annette.
[Groan]
- Mm-mmm. - Hey! "Ook."
[Squeaking]
[Cheering]
Yeah! Whoo!
- [Cheering] - [Sobbing]
That was quite a finger-pull, Murray.
Hey. Thanks, Walter.
I guess now one of us has to win this race.
- I think it should be you. - Nobody has to win or lose.
[Bob] In a surprising development...
it looks like Team Tortoise and Team Hare are going to finish the race at the same time.
Bob, it looks like the only losers of this race are people who wanted to see someone lose.
And Team Pig- They seem to have dropped out.
[Snorting]
[Cheering]
## [Mariachi]
We win? We win!
- We win! - Olé!
[Bob] While the other teams were struggling to survive, buried in the snow...
it looks like Team Mole took the lead.
[Laughs] Olé!
[Cheering]
Team Mole, how did you beat these two highly-favored teams?
[Speaking Spanish]
In your face, Tortoise and Hare!
Moles are on top now! So get used to it!
[Laughs]
[Metal Clicking]
Come on. Let's go get some more.
- Homemade potato salad from a working mom? - Yeah. You wanna taste?
Mmm. That's delicious.
I'll have to get the recipe.
It's pretty simple, Dotty. It's just potatoes, mayonnaise-
Wait, wait. Please don't give it to me now.
I'll never be able to remember long enough to tell my cook.
[Kids Shouting]
- Mm-mm-mmm. - You're dead.
I'm tellin' you! Naps are great!
Naps do seem like a good time to sit back and think about things.
[Grunts]
[Weasels Giggling]
- [Laughs] - Ready?
Hey, Butch. I wanted to ask if you could be one of my backup dancers.
I'm doing a huge number about...
how fighting is bad and dancing is good. in the school talent show.
What do you say?
I would, Crystal, but actually I'm doing my own thing for the talent show.
I'm gonna recite the names of all the stars from memory.
But that's so hard. There's so many of them.
Yeah, well, I'm gonna give it a shot.
Hey, why don't we combine our stuff for the talent show?
- You mean, do a dance about the stars? - Sure!
We could bring peace to the whole universe.
- List some of your stars. - Alpha Centauri, Betelgeuse, Solamio...
- Centurion, Polaris- - Hmm. Oh!
I'm thinking of it.
Irish jig/Lambada/ breakdance/Charleston-
- Whee! - Slash-
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
[Whimpering]
[Bob] Will this new tortoise and hare team be able
Do they have what it takes to beat every other talented kid in their school?
We don't care!
We do! It's how we justify our enormous salaries!
- Now that's good television. - [Horn Honks]
## [Mariachi]
- [Grunting] - [Laughing]
## [Jazz]
[Woman] #It don't matter 'bout my pace #
# Wipe that smile off your face #
# You actin' like you won this race already #
# You pass me like I'm standin' still #
# Flyin' by with bugs all in your grill #
# You'll never be my match until #
# You're ready #
# To take it slow and steady #
## [Continues]
# Livin' life so easy, breezy #
# Smooth and oh, so sweet #
# If you can stand some coolin' #
# I can take the heat #
# It ain't so much I'm mad at your kind #
# We're just different and you know that's fine #
# I'll meet you at the finish line #
# You ready #
# To take it slow and steady #
## [Piano Fades]
## [Rock Instrumental]
## [Fades]
[Wind Blows]
[Buzzing]
Subtitles by LeapinLar